world mental health day

"Late this afternoon I heard your voice

I got hit for the first time in what felt like years

It struck me down, a harmless jab

But you, well you rang loud and clear

You tore down the walls

And just as quickly you were gone"

Hello it's 2.13am and I can not sleep. My mind is racing as I rerun the past.
I want to go Brighton for world mental health day but that means getting a train
at 6.30 am but I don't know how to get to the train station.
I  guess that I will have to walk in the dark but I am afraid to do that.
My road is very dark and there are no street lights but there is no other way.

I was looking foreword  to world mental health day but now I just feel worse
like I have got to a dead end and I don't know how to get back on the road.
Mental health has become very important to me over this time and I have
found some very good people thanks to it and out lets for my feelings.

And over this time I have got really back into music it has become my bestfriend
again and at times long times my only friend.
I have always loved music but it has and does sometimes take over.
there have been times when I have thought that I would not want to
live without it.
That there would not be anything good of me left.

Now that may sound over the top but music is not something that you see
it is something that you feel be it sadness, despair , happiness , joy.
It can change my mood take me to somewhere better.
I uses to go to see a lot of bands but I stopped going over time feeling
that I did not fit in there or that I was not wanted there.
I can see now that was never true it was only how I feat about myself.
There where endless night that I would just lay there  depressed about
what I would do without music and who if anyone it belongs to.
I could have talked to my girlfriend but I could not think of anything to say.
I just loved music to much or the person that I thought it made me.
I wish that I could have that time back more then anything now.

I thought that I know what fear and lose was back then but I could not
have been more wrong.
I now know what true fear is fear that I will not make it thought the night
and then fear of what I will do if I do make it.

But I do feel like I have got over the worse of that now and one of the things
that I am most afraid of walking in the dark is getting hit by a car.
I don't want to die I have still got things that I want to live for.
And it upsets me that it has come to this.
I just want to make it to my walk and say thank you for the help that the
mental health world have gave to me and I really hope that I make it there