The interview

"And when no hope was left in sight on that starry
Starry night.
You took your life
As lovers often do;
But I could have told you
Vincent
This world was never
Meant for one
As beautiful as you."

So I had a interview the other day good news right? well you would think so but no.

The last few days have been hell and I have gone a long way back.

It's one step forward one hundred steps back and I don't know what to do.

I can't face looking for a job but that is what I have got to do or die homeless

and penniless even if I do think that will happen one day.

The past has brought me to my knees and I can't get one and I just see myself

ever in a job again I just want to stay at home all day and feel safe there.

I have lost my trust in people and that they do not wish ill of me.

I just thank god that I have got my two best friends and I don't know what I 

would do without them but again me they both seem so amazing and I am left 

wishing that I could be like them a full person.

I am 35 and I wish that I was 70 I just don't know what to do with the rest of my life

right now it seems never ending and it is only going one way and that is down.

“It was as if he had come to mistrust words somehow. Words, and the sentiments words carried.” 

“You might be locked in a world not of your own making, her eyes said, but you still have a claim on how it is shaped. You still have responsibilities.” 

I need someone to tell me that everything is going to be ok that the past does not have to ruin the future and that I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul