Everything everywhere all at once

"The boy with the thorn in his side Behind the hatred there lies A murderous desire for love How can they look into my eyes And still they don't believe me How can they hear me say those words And still they don't believe me And if they don't believe me now Will they ever believe me? And if they don't believe me now Will they ever believe me? The boy with the thorn in his side Behind the hatred there lies A plundering desire for love How can they see the love in our eyes And still they don't believe us And after all this time They don't want to believe us And if they don't believe us now Will they ever believe us? And when you want to live How do you start? Where do you go? Who do you know?"

"Two lovers entwined pass me by and heaven knows I'm miserable now I was looking for a job, and then I found a job and heaven knows I'm miserable now" Hello so I start what could be or what may not be my now job. I have not been having the best time the last week as you may have seen in my last post and that has not changed. There have been a lot of sleepless night and feeling uneasy. I don't know what I am walking into and I don't know who I am going to hold up to working 10 hours a day after all this time. But on the up side I can not wait to start going shopping again but  I am not sure if that is a good reason to get back into work. Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.’ "You can only lose what you cling to." I am going to miss my life as it is now that is if tomorrow goes well  and that is very 50 % 50 but I have come to feel safe and home. I know what I have to do and what I am going...

"And when no hope was left in sight on that starry Starry night. You took your life As lovers often do; But I could have told you Vincent This world was never Meant for one As beautiful as you." So I had a interview the other day good news right? well you would think so but no. The last few days have been hell and I have gone a long way back. It's one step forward one hundred steps back and I don't know what to do. I can't face looking for a job but that is what I have got to do or die homeless and penniless even if I do think that will happen one day. The past has brought me to my knees and I can't get one and I just see myself ever in a job again I just want to stay at home all day and feel safe there. I have lost my trust in people and that they do not wish ill of me. I just thank god that I have got my two best friends and I don't know what I  would do without them but again me they both seem so amazing and I am left  ...

Now the pale morning sings of forgotten things She plays a tune for those who wish to overlook The fact that they've been blindly deceived By those who preach and pray and teach But she falls short and the night explodes in laughter But don't you come here and say I didn't warn you About the way your world can alter And oh how you try to command it all still Every single time it all shifts one way or the other And I'm a goddamn coward, but then again so are you And the lion's roar, the lion's roar Has me evading and hollering for you And I never really knew what to do Well I guess sometimes I wish you were a little more predictable That I could read you just like a book For now I can only guess what's coming next By examining your timid smile And the ways of the old, old winds blowing you back 'round And I'm a goddamn fool, but then again so are you And the lion's roar, the lion's roar Has me seeking out and searching for you And I never...

"Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own." Hello So I have not been having the best time the last few days and there has been a lot going on with my family. So today I made up my mind to do some house work and to clean my room now I know that would not be a big deal to most people but as I was cleaning my room I got really upset as I saw some of my ex girlfriends thing. I wanted to cry I want to do go back in time time and change what has happened but I can see that I have never moved on from her. She was funny and kind and just like me in a lot of way they do say that there is someone for everyone but sometimes you only found that out to late. I wonder what she would make of me now? I have get a lot of house work done and I am feeling a lot better for it maybe I can get things done and I can look to the the future and not be stuck in the past.

"She was a shark smile in a yellow van She came around and I stole a glance in my youth A vampire Evelyn shown quiet as roses sting It came over me at a bad time But who wouldn't ride on a moonlit line? Had her in my eye, 85 down the road of a dead end gleam And she said woo Baby, take me And I said woo Baby, take me too It came over her at a bad time Riding through Winona down the dotted line Held us gunning out Ninety miles down the road of a dead end dream She looked over with a part smile Caught up in the twinkle, it could take awhile And the money pile on the dashboard fluttering As she said woo Baby, take me And I said woo Baby, take me too Evelyn's kiss was oxygen I leaned over to take it in As we went howling through the edge of south Des Moines It came over me at a bad time She burned over the double line And she impaled as I reached my hand for the guardrail Ooh, the guardrail Ooh, the guardrail And she said woo Baby, take me And I said woo Baby, take me too ...

You have a mythological beauty You have the eye of someone I have seen Outside of ordinary situations Even outside of dreams You lie in bed at night and watch the lines of headlights through your screen There is a child inside you who’s trying to raise a child in me If you wanna leave You just have to say You’re all caught up inside But you know the way You cut the flesh of your left thumb Using your boyfriend’s knife Seventeen, you took his cum And you gave birth to your first life You gave Andrew a family who you thought would love and take better care I have an older brother I don’t know He could be anywhere If you wanna leave You just have to say You’re all caught up inside But you know the way You’re all caught up inside But you know the way Rented a house in Niswah, Minnesota Shrapnel and oil cans, rhubarb in the yard I built a ladder out of metal pieces Father was working hard Standing beneath the oak tree by the front door You were inside baking bread Sister came out and pu...

On the day that your mentality  Decides to try to catch up with your biology  Come round ... 'Cause I want the one I can't have  And it's driving me mad  It's all over, all over, all over my face  On the day that your mentality  Catches up with your biology  I want the one I can't have  And it's driving me mad  It's all over, all over, all over my face  A double bed  And a stalwart lover for sure  These are the riches of the poor  A double bed  And a stalwart lover for sure  These are the riches of the poor  And I want the one I can't have  And it's driving me mad  It's all over, all over my face  A tough kid who sometimes swallows nails  Raised on Prisoner's Aid  He killed a policeman when he was  Thirteen  And somehow that really impressed  Me  And it's written all over my face  Oh, these are the riches of the poor  These are the riches of the poor...

You will grow all you need to grow inside my spine And then take what you need to take, what's yours is mine And then just give all you want of it to some new thing I'll stay here, the provider of that constant sting they call love They call love You will drain all you need to drain out of me All the colors have washed away, no more rosy sheen Not just a pale isolated shallow water place Oh what a place I call myself I call myself Oh love all you need to love before it goes When your face becomes a stranger's I don't know You will never remember who I was to you Carried in the womb I'm called mother I'm called mother They're called home They're called home They're called They're called Mothers Mothers Give all you need to give And sometimes they won't take what they need to take The strangest chemical reaction Inside of her brain, no she's not the same No she's not the same No she's not the same

"All those dirty words (Jusqu'à la fin) They make us look so dumb (En plein soleil) Been drinking far too much (Jusqu'à la fin) And neither of us mean what we say (en plein amour) Well, you and I Collapsed in love And it looks like we might have made it Yes, it Looks like we've made it to the end What happened to us? (Jusqu'à la fin) Soon it will be gone forever (En plein soleil) Infatuated only with ourselves (jusqu'à la fin) And neither of us can think straight anymore (en plein amour) Well, you and I Collapsed in love And it looks like we might have made it Yes, it Looks like we've made it to the end When you and I Collapsed in love Well, it looks like we might have made it Yes, it Looks like we've made it to the end (En plein amour) you and I, we just Collapsed in love And it looks like we might have made it Yes, it Looks like we've made it to the end"

"Late this afternoon I heard your voice I got hit for the first time in what felt like years It struck me down, a harmless jab But you, well you rang loud and clear You tore down the walls And just as quickly you were gone" Hello it's 2.13am and I can not sleep. My mind is racing as I rerun the past. I want to go Brighton for world mental health day but that means getting a train at 6.30 am but I don't know how to get to the train station. I  guess that I will have to walk in the dark but I am afraid to do that. My road is very dark and there are no street lights but there is no other way. I was looking foreword  to world mental health day but now I just feel worse like I have got to a dead end and I don't know how to get back on the road. Mental health has become very important to me over this time and I have found some very good people thanks to it and out lets for my feelings. And over this time I have got really back into music it...